Writing – Ruthminnick

Should! Should! Should! The heavy word weighs in my consciousness,

A constant reminder of the gap and where I feel less,

The intent to keep me scanning, checking, acting,
Goals to keep me alive,
Unnecessary word ingrained inside,

Should,
Anxiety, adrenaline—Respond! This is how I survive?

Spikes of energy flow hot with action,
Then dip with cold deadness, depression,
My efforts whirling and get no traction,

A Tasmanian devil spinning in one spot,
Deeper and deeper in the hole,
A hamster on the wheel off goal,
Keep me out of trouble,
Focusing nowhere except where I’m not,

Should is not shoulder,
The word itself lacking,
It misses the broadness and action of ’er,

It’s not meant to carry the weight of the incredible mind,
It’s not meant to wield her,
It is not a word that is open, expanding or kind,

Let us then be rid of should,
We can appreciate the intention,
Internalized parent, authority,
And striving for what is good,

But we can find a new way,
One that is less shaming,
One that is not harmful and blaming,
Allow in some space for something new to say,

Leave some space for a question, A choice for reflection,

May your mind rest on Could,
For should is polarized with rejection.
How would it feel if you did?
Try it out in your mind web, the next time you spin it.
Think on it for a minute,
Could your mind rest with Could?